Just an Update

Well, I realized that I really have not updated this thing in a long time. So here I am vainly trying to, knowing that I am going to leave something out irregardless of all my efforts.

I've realized that I really like days off. It makes me just want to quit working now and just be lazy :P haha I'm sure that I could still babysit and stuff, but I guess it's good to have a job. It brings me money, which will allow me to go to school and do other things. On that note, I am quitting on the 25th of August, which will allow me 2 weeks for R&R as well as the chance to get ready for school! I'm excited already! Less than a month! yay!

I have come up with a plan. Due to the disappointing lack of vacations this summer, I have decided that next summer I will (ie. I will have enough money saved, so I cannot use that excuse) either go to Europe or go on the West Coast Trail. If I do not make it to Europe, I will go the next summer, for I promised Zicka that I would come and visit her! I am excited! My dad expressed some interest in going on the West Coast Trail with my brother, so if Ian and crew doesn't want to/can't, I could always go with them! Well, we'll see how things work out anyways :P

I think I may have convinced Ian to come to my house to watch Legally Blonde. I am excited.

My mum got home safely!!!!! Yay!!! She was up in the middle of nowhere northern BC - actually by Bell 2 on the Alaskan Highway, not that it makes much sense to anyone as to where that is - and came home for a couple of days today! I was quite lucky as I had the day off and went to the airport to pick her up! I really love my mum a lot... I just feel comfortable talking to her about lots of random things that I don't normally talk about with other people... like political things, stuff about growing up, God and other things... Which is quite good!

Last night I went and saw "Sophie Scholl: The Final Days" and it was AMAZING. It was an EXTREMELY well done movie - if you have a chance to see it, I definitely recommend it! (it's playing at the Plaza Theatre in Kensington). Check this out for the rundown of the movie. It is in German with English subtitles (which, I guess makes it all the more appealing to me because it gives me a chance to practise my German listening abilities while still having the english translation there for when I don't understand it.) I was really impressed at how firm Sophie was about her beliefs and how she didn't betray them, even if it meant that she would be free. I wish I could be that brave...

I bought a dress while shopping with Sandra the other day, it's really nice! I quite like it for 3 reasons:
(1) It looks quite nice
(2) It was under $50
(3) It was a dress from a store that *actually* fit without needing altering!
I tried this dress on for my mum today... during a conversation about the dress with my mum, my brother comes upstairs and says, "What, you bought a dress because you're engaged to Ian?!?!?!" Well, there's no ring on my finger, so that was slightly amusing. Especially since some girl at VBS was quite convinced today that I have children. O dear.

Well, I think that I should go and maybe clean somethings and maybe make banana bread... Now that you know all about my exciting life! yay! Have much fun.

Unknown

Once I when I went on this biking trip with my brother and dad, we had to go through this really, really long tunnel (about 1.5 km - that's a really long walk in the dark). There were rumours going around that some of the beams in the tunnel were unstable, which really freaked me out. It was okay for about the first 100 metres as there was still light from behind, but then there were turns and I could just feel the air become staler and colder and the walls shrinking about me. We had little LED lamps, yet they really didn't do anything against the darkness. If my dad wasn't there to tell me to remember to keep breathing I probably would have tried to hold my breath the entire time as I expected the ceiling to cave in any second.

As you can probably guess this is how I feel - trapped, hoping that I'm heading in the right direction and scared ____less of what is going to happen next or that the roof is going to cave in. Afraid of the unknown.

I feel like I'm in the middle of that tunnel, or maybe I'm just after the first turn, when the lights really disappear. I don't know... I guess as the Third Day song goes "There's a light at the end of the tunnel for you" you just have to have faith. Which I feel like I have absolutely none of. I just feel like me being a christian is the epitomy of hyprocrisy. I don't go to church as I work on Sundays mostly... I try to read the bible, but suck at it (same goes with praying), I'm uncomfortable and/or only do things because I feel that "I have to." And some things are just so bloody confusing - it all just seems like a double faced beast of some sort. maybe I'm just like Herod that I enjoy listening to such things, but when the time comes, I probably wouldn't stand up for what is right.

I want to move forward (or at least in some direction other than down) yet I'm stuck in a rut. Or to quote Eowyn, "I stand upon some dreadful brink, and it is utterly dark in the abyss before my feet, but whether there is any light behind me I cannot tell. For I cannot turn yet. I wait for some stroke of doom." Maybe someday I will also be like her and say: " I stand in Minas Anor, the Tower of the Sun and behold! the Shadow has departed! " Even though I will not be on a Tower of the Sun, but maybe a tower of the Son. I don't know.

I am afraid of going to bed... I don't sleep well anyways. But I guess I should go anyways, to prevent sickness.

GAH!

I hate long hair. Every BLOODY time I run my hands through my hair, so much comes out!!! You'd think it would stop after you've rung your hair through over 20 times, but it doesn't! I think I'm going bald!

I went to the Stampede today... It was alright... lots of people... I got to pet a sheep and try on lots of cowboy hats. And ate mini donuts, which are bad. And watched "horse cutting", which I still haven't quite determined exactly what it is or what the point of it is.

I got in trouble yesterday for booking off too much time at work. I grumble.

I have decided that if I ever get married, I want it to be quite small and basic. Since I have a small family, it will probably be easier. But then I shouldn't be thinking about that, for I'm sure I'll change my mind anyways, for I'm just that kind of indecisive person. For there is really no point is planning something that you're not sure is even going to happen? (as it only sets your self up for much disappointment).

My mum told me I was "less muscular" than I was went she left a while ago. Joy.

I need to get to sleep, as I'm quite tired, but in a state of some anxiety and grumbly-ness, so it's not exactly ideal conditions for sleeping.
I wish I took better care of myself. I'm going to die before I'm thirty.

Stagnation

I feel like I'm stagnating. Or stalling until something happens. What that something is, I'm really not sure. Maybe an epiphany or the end of the world. Or maybe a purpose to everything.

I wish I wasn't feeling so bloody needy and doubtful.

I grumble.

Yay! 1 Year!

Well I decided to make a special post before I go and get ready for work about:
Today Ian and I have been dating for 1 Year!!! Yay!!!

That's all. I'm quite Yay! about it! :o)