Update of Sorts

Well, the really exciting thing (if you've looked at Laurel's wedding page, then you probably already know) is that Laurel asked me to be one of her bridesmaids!!!! Yay!!! I'm really excited!!! I've never been a bridesmaid before, so it should be cool!!! :o)

I stayed up really, really late last night talking to Ian... (it was to the point in which I think he was just kind of too tired to type properly) It was really good for I got some stuff off my chest as well as us discussing things that are good to discuss. I've kind of decided that even though it's really difficult to actually tell people stuff about how I feel, it's actually better if I do so... So, to whoever is reading this: please call me on this fact, for the longer I keep it inside, the more distressed and bleh I get.

I'm wearing a T-shirt that I bought at Northern Getaway. I find it really exciting, for it means that I fit a size XL kids!! yay! (ironically it's one of those "longer length" T-shirts but it fits like a normal T-shirt for me!) Well that makes me proud.

Oh, life.

Well I have determined that I am living proof of a sinusoidal function. For usually I'm fine, but then I spend about 1/2 hour crying/feeling sorry for myself, and then am kind of bleh and then something else happens or distracts me and I "forget" it. O dear.

I am currently reading "Boundaries in Dating" and in my opinion, according to it, it implies that I'm the kind of person who shouldn't be dating. I'm stuck somewhere in between laughing A LOT and falling into much "sad day"-ness.

I ordered three books off the internet today - I'm excited. Two are by Max Lucado and the other is one about stress management - for I realize that this is an area that I really need to work on, so that I don't feel paralized everytime I'm feeling slightly stressed out. I think part of my problem is that when I'm stressed out I (a) think in absolutes and (b) don't think that I should be stressed out, so try to ignore it instead of saying: " well, I feel stressed out, which is a natural reaction. What can I do help deal and relieve myself of this stress?" Maybe some day.

I met with Elaine for "coffee" today, which was really good and perhaps a little bit of what I needed... for we talked for a while about things that were bothering us and it was good. I think in the last while, I just really, really want to talk to people, but don't really have the courage to do it. Thus, going to do something with a good friend where all you really can do is talk is good. So, if anyone wants to... haha sad day.

Something really exciting has happened - yet I must wait for other things to happen first before it can be more widely known.

Struggles

I just finished reading a book by Max Lucado called: It's Not about Me - Rescue from the Life We Throught Would Make Us Happy and it talks about how true joy, satisfaction, etc. is found by living a God-centred life as opposed to a me-centred life. I have always thought of myself as a very self centred person - worrying about what people think about me (still do) how a certain event will affect me, worrying about if I'll have enough of something to do something else and all around considering myself as 'the centre in which everyone else should revolve around.' Yet one of the main messages of the book is if we be like Moses and ask God to "show us His Glory" and to do everything for HIS Glory and NOT our own. As Lucado says : " He does not reveal hid glory for his good. We need to witness it for ours."

There was a chapter about "All Struggles Are About Him". Something I've always had difficulty with is why people have to struggle for seemingly no apparent reason. Lucado quotes:

"And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt
glorify me." - Psalm 50:15

To me, it means that we are basically just implements of God - we are assigned to "suffer" (yet call him when we do, thus he helps us) so that we can glorify him through our acts. For me, that's a VERY difficult pill to swallow - ie. if it were actually a pill, it would be at least 10 times larger than these beastly calcium pills I sometimes remember to take - for how can God use me if I can't even get myself to do anything? Sometimes I feel like this guy from the "The Count of Monte Cristo" when he was in this prison because I feel trapped in this dark cell, with only a little window of light too high to reach with 'God will grant us Justice' traced in the wall, but with each passing day it seems less and less likely that anything good will happen. Fortunately for this guy, he met this "priest" guy who talked to him and taught him things as they tried to dig out of their cell... and managed to get out after some sticky situations in the end. Anyways, I guess I can always just hope that something will happen (or maybe it already has?) to not give up hope and have faith that whatever happens will be for the glory of God. As Philipians 1:29 says:

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to belive on him,
but also to suffer for him."

The road of christianity is not easy, so I guess the sooner we accept the fact that it will be pocked with difficulties - yet since it's not all about us, it's not all up to us as we have God on our side and if we let him, he'll use us to be lights of Christ.

One thing that has always bothered me with such books, is that people say that we need to become more God centred, fully rely on him, etc. but NEVER tell you how. As a person who doesn't relish in giving up the sliver of control that I have, that is terribly difficult. Lucado kind of briefly says something about one way to do this is to ponder God. But, really, how does one do that? I guess many people spend their whole entire life trying to figure such things out.

God, please Show me your Glory, help me to give all the reigns to you and to live my life fully for you and your Glory. Remind me that it's not about me, but about you. Please help me through my struggles so that I, too, will be able to be a light for you. Amen.

Ah!

Well, I'm doing something I've always thought myself too pansy to do - I'm going to talk to my doctor about whether or not I have depression or something related to it or if it's just part of my female mood swings. Holy Crap. Next Tuesday at 1:30 is going to be... interesting. I'm scared.

Icons! and Other things.

So, I was bored today... and thus, I made things. Oh, the excitement.

First off, I made an icon of myself:

You can find a place to make such exciting things at: Abi-Station

Then, I made a WHOLE bunch of random logo dealies: (Please tell me which one you like best!!)

1.

2.

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4.

5.

6.

You can also make yourself such eventful things at Typo Generator

I also found this picture, while doing a google image search of bean:

It's from a website that makes cartoons about beans (some of them are slightly inappropriate, alas, but the beans look really cute...) One Bean

So, I guess one could say it was a productive day? (not).

Oh exciting things (alas, no pictures)

I have decided that I have been semi-anti-social as of late... I know I'm normally an introverted person, but I realize that since I'm not in school and doing nothing other than working, I should spend more time with my friends. So here extends and invitation to all of you lovely ladies: I would love to do something with you sometime!!!
Here are the hours I am working this week (not very many, I grumble... o well):
Sun: 12 - 4 (hoping to go to centre street for 6)
Mon: Nothing!
Tuesday: 5-10
Wednesday: Nothing!
Thursday: 4-9
Friday: potentially 4-10
Saturday: 12-4 (THING in the evening)
So if you're free during any of the times listed here and would like to do something, I would love to! :o)

I'm excited for soon Ian is going to arrive and we're going to go on a picnic! And feed some ducks. And perhaps some geese if they're not too evil. I should put on more sunscreen :P

Yay! There is TEC reunion tonight and I am excited... I'm looking forward to seeing lots of people there! And this time I'll hopefully even bring my camera, with its new batteries! I hope that the majority of the "Orangetastic Organutans" show up!

Yesterday at work was highly eventful - it was REALLY slow and there were three of us working... it would have been okay if it were just one person, but alas. I was really bored, so I was having a conversation with my coworker about how she was convinced that I would fit into kids XL and that I was smaller than her, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to... But as I was waiting for Ian to show up (OOOooOoo is that *your* man?) I tried on this skirt and it didn't fit (ha! I was right!). But it was eventful anyways. Then as we (Ian and I) were walking through the mall, we saw Dawn, of course, in front of the "Venus - the modern goddess stand"and so we talked for a while. Dawn tried to convince me to also take part in this show thing (one would recieve a free razor for doing so), so I gave Ian my stuff -my stuff included a La Senza bag, I wish I had a camera, but Dawn said 'get used to it' - and went and asked the person, but it turns out that you have to sign up. Well, I didn't want to be around at 7, so there was no point. Then we came home and made some dinner and then went for a walk, did a crossword and went to our respective homes to sleep. Oh, the excitement of Fridays.

Have a great day and I'll hopefully see you all in about 6-ish hours! :o)

PS. Guess what?? Today Ian and I have been dating for 11 months!(!!!!) YAY!